Chalk Drawings

Late last summer, I sold the construction company my dad had started that became mine, for various reasons that have nothing to do with this post. I had also sold my house not too long before that, when I moved in with Jules. Add all that cash to the fact that she makes pretty good money, and the fact that we’re not paying a mortgage on the house we live in, well, we have a pretty comfortable sum in “savings”.

So, I took a Summer Vacation. And man, was it NICE. I’d worked really hard for a really long time, and needed a break more than I realized.

Trouble is, now I’ve reached that point where I think I might be bored. I thrive on structure, organization, and to some extent, having an agenda. Don’t get me wrong, helping Jules with the baby keeps me plenty busy,  but babies don’t operate on a schedule, and I think I might miss having a job.

I’m not quite sure what kind of job I want to try to find, and when I want to start (because I’m not ready to leave my baby just yet), but the wheels are turning…

I can’t believe that it’s almost been a month. Time goes by SO fast!

If you read Jules‘ blog, then you already know that our daughter, Alexia Jade Spencer, was born at about 8:30 in the morning on January 22nd. Weighing in at 6 lbs, 11 oz, 19 inches long, she is a pretty average sized baby.

Two eyes, ten fingers, ten toes, only one head, all that good stuff. Absolutely perfect. Took one look at her and she stole my heart. How do girls DO that?!

Fast forward to 25 days later. I’m now old pro at changing diapers. Getting spit up on hardly even phases me (though I still wish she’s stop doing it). I can’t swaddle Alexia as well as Jules can, but I’m getting pretty okay at that too.

Waking up at 5 in the morning kind of sucks, but I adore Alexia and so I don’t even complain about doing it.

Babies rock.

Some (ok, most of you, since I’m sure nobody reads this thing) already know, through no help from me, that my wife Jules and I are expecting a baby. Any day now, actually.

I know, I know, how could I not have made an actual post about that before! It makes me sound horrible and unexcited. Because my blog is so up to date with the rest of my life and how dare me! Oh wait. This blog is one of the most neglected ones on the internet. Never mind.

I am, actually, extremely excited about this. Being a father is going to be awesome. I painted the nursery, and put together all kinds of furniture and toys, and folded all the baby clothes and it looks perfect in there. All that’s missing is, you know, a baby.

Yes, I did do pretty much all of it. Jules is too busy being pregnant to do it. All things considered, I think I got the easy part of the arrangement.

Now I don’t have anything to do but wait, though. It’s a long wait..

Can I just say, you have not experienced utter chaos until you’ve planned a wedding. I feel like my head is going to explode, and as the groom I “have it easy”. I’m very much looking forward to the wedding though.

There’s been a ton of people coming and going, and staying. PJ’s maid of honor came in to help finish planning the wedding and is sleeping on the couch. Anna (Jules’ friend from New Mexico, who is making the wedding dress) was here for a few days with her 8 month old baby (which was good practice because I have no idea what I’m getting into here) and will be back on Wednesday to finish fitting and the such. I’m not sure if the baby is coming as well, or her husband.

Toss that with with 4 of us that already live here, plus Benji, and the house is never still. Not to mention all the people coming over to finish last minute details.

I went and did a final fitting for my tux. I look pretty snazzy in it, if I may say so myself.

We’re going to California for our honeymoon; neither of us have ever been. We wanted to go to Puerto Vallarta or Cancun (keep it relatively close, just in case) but after Jules passed out at the doctor’s office, they told her to take it easy, and well, airports are never easy, so we decided to go a little simpler. Drive to San Diego, hang out there for a bit, probably drive up to Los Angeles and see the scene, check it off the list. And then, whatever else we want.

I’m looking forward to the relaxing part.

I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I can’t figure out if I’m serious about it or not, but I’d kind of like to move to Colorado. The idea popped into my head on a typical, ridiculously hot Arizona summer day, and it won’t go away. I mentioned it in passing to Jules and she didn’t seem horribly opposed to the idea, though she said I’d have to convince her.

I guess I need to convince myself about it, first.

It would be nice to live somewhere that doesn’t require a massive electric bill just to prevent you from overheating and dropping dead. Jules and Kailyn don’t take the sun very well (and I know them winding up in Arizona in the first place had nothing to do with me, but if I can save them from it, I’d like to) and Peanut could be just as fair skinned as they are. I love the sun but I could do without the heat.

With the exception of my friends (some of whom I’ve known forever, like Adam), there’s nothing holding me here. I sold my house, I sold my company, and my family isn’t here anymore except my sister, who plans on moving to the East coast when she turns 18 anyway. I would miss my friends very much, but, well.. people move? Some of my friends have started to move away. They can come visit me anytime :D

But what about snow?!

It dawned on me earlier today that I’m standing at the crossroad in my life; the part where I can continue down the path I started on, or where I can change everything and start a new path. I’m going down the new path and I’m really looking forward to it.

It’s off to a little bit of a rocky start, sure, but nobody ever said it would be easy. The whole “road less traveled” bit and all- of course the unpaved road is rough.

The most obvious change is my upcoming wedding. Getting married will be a big change; I won’t be walking the path by myself. I won’t have to make all the hard choices alone. I can’t think of a better person to be my companion, either. Jules rocks.

I’m selling the company, for a lot of reasons. It’s a little scary to know that Jules and I are both “self-employed” but I got enough money for the company to have a solid safety net. The company felt too much like living my dad’s life, and not mine. I don’t know what the long term plan is yet, but I want to do something for me, instead.

After Jules and I get married, I’ll be adopting Kailyn. She may not be my biological daughter but I absolutely adore her. She’s a great kid. On a similar note, I’ll be taking their last name. I like Spencer better than mine and I seem to be outnumbered anyway ;)

I’m really looking forward to everything, even the unexpected. I’m happier than I ever thought I would be.

A couple of weeks ago, my biggest fear came true, and my father passed away. It’s been a rough time for all of us since then.

My brother completely fell off the face of the planet for a while. He showed up to the funeral but wouldn’t talk to anybody, then disappeared again. He’s back in contact now but I’m still not sure where he is, just that he’s “okay”.

My sister is having a hard time focusing on anything. Jules and I are trying really hard to get her to go to school all day, and do all her work. She’s a really bright kid, and has a great future ahead of her if she can just pull through and keep her grades up and tough it out until graduation. I don’t want to see her ruin everything she’s got going for her.

And my mom.. my poor mom :( She’s out of town staying with her sister right now. Amber has been staying with me and PJ. They were married for 28 years, this is especially hard on her.

As for me.. I’m mostly hanging in there. It gets better every day. The thing that kills me the most is going to work. I’ve been running the place for a while now, but now it seems like it was always HIS place. Every day I walk in and it reminds me of him, and that hurts. A lot. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier like everything else is.

Business is bad lately. I had to lay off 2 people and cut Lily’s hours. These people are like family to me and it’s killing me to have to do that. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t know if I can keep doing this. I don’t know if I want to keep doing it.

Jules has been talking about putting the wedding off; we had just picked the date (September 19th). I really don’t want to have to do that. Jules has been amazing through this whole situation and I don’t know where I’d be without her. She’s been strong where none of the rest of us have been able to. My little sister… I don’t think she’d have pulled through as well as she has been without Jules. I KNOW that I’d be worse off. I can’t imagine life without her. I want to give her this wedding, the date she wants, everything she wants for it.

I just want the hurt to stop.